October 6, 2003
return of the dawn treader
categories ::There are these seedpods on the tree outside. I don't know what they are, but they crash percussively and melodramatically onto the wooden deck every twenty minutes or so. In five years, I will remember the prettiness of this house and the ridiculous seedpod-crashing, which seems to go unnoticed by all but me. What the hell. I am going to sample that sound and make a computer music piece called TechnoSeedpod...maybe.
School has started and everything is as psychocrazy as one might expect, with one catch: I'm taking only classes I really care about, and I'm never required to be at school before noon. That's right, NOON. My best composing hours, 10 PM-2 AM, are now returned to me.
And the carnage this particular space pirate is wreaking with that fact is astonishing (at least to me; maybe nobody else--ha!).
I'm falling in love with composing again, which is so, so good because it's been like work for a couple years now. (Well, like work, except it carries no prestige and pays nothing and involves lots of slavish grunt work besides. So, more like temping than a steady job.) I haven't felt this good about writing since high school. That's...that's something. I hope I can keep it up as the quarter gets going...
I have only seen two concerts where the players wept as they played, and both times the players were in high school. The first time was at Alhambra High, playing Return of the Dawn Treader (MP3 with the last bit cut off available on the publisher's site). It'd been over seven years since the one time I heard Return of the Dawn Treader and I still remembered exactly how it went when I found the MP3 this morning--my memory was slower and more heavy on the low brass, which is probably how it was played. Why did it stick so perfectly, when I can't remember what I listened to yesterday? It has to do with nearly everyone in my giant group of friends playing in that band, and it has to do with the sense of that spring, the leaving of the second high school of three. It was before anyone told me that I wasn't supposed to like or compose tonal music, and before I started worrying about anything other than that feeling that I still can't describe that lives somewhere just below my collarbone but seems to be constantly rising.
The second time was the Claremont Young Musicians Orchestra, with nine-year-olds up to young college students playing Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5. It's one of the top youth orchestras in Los Angeles. Sean was playing in the orchestra. In the slow movement, there's a chilling passage with flute and harp and other things, crystalline, restrained, hinting at frightening depths. The only real expression of them is so terribly measured and pained, and it happens in an oboe solo that Sean played. That the man I love played. And I could see the cellists crying.
Whether the music was superb, as in CYMO, or halfway decent like at AHS, there was a deep passion for music that filled every piece with meaning. Passion for the raw power of sound in time, for the trembling communion with friends all united in doing this thing. The sheer love of the thing with no strings attached.
I feel like I'm fumbling for that feeling now. Sometimes I catch it. Sometimes not. I catch it best when I stop trying so damn hard for everything. Food for thought.
Posted at 7:55 AM
I am in CYMO and we are playing the Shostakovich 5th now...what a coincidence!
Posted by: CYMO Harpist at February 3, 2004 12:53 PMAnd you have a great part in my favorite part of the piece, you lucky harpist. :)
Posted by: jen at February 3, 2004 3:11 PMI love "Return of the Dawn Treader", with all its overlapping parts and all. The trumpet solo, too...Some parts of that song are aggressive and almost 'warring' (as our director says). And other parts are soft and tranquil and beautiful.
No wonder the players were weeping.
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