February 13, 2004
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categories ::I.
Clearly tooling around on the Internet way too much. I woke up with "Girl Shanty" stuck in my head, and in my free-associative-morning-Internet-world-tour, I ended up checking out an international adoption agency's website. ("Can you really fly seven Chinese baby girls across the sea?", etc.) It was...odd.
There was an Issues to Consider page, insisting vehemently that you must raise your adoptive child with as much consideration given to Chinese culture as possible. (Also asking questions like, "Your family will be interracial now. How do you feel about that?") There was a little page on what moon cakes are. There was a logo that was a way-too-literal translation and makes no sense in Chinese. There was also, "The Mall", a site listing goods and services that (presumably white?) parents would find helpful in this quest. They included:
Fun "Oriental-themed" activities for the whole family, like origami and kite-flying.
A place where you can order mini terra-cotta soldiers.
Many places where you can order brocade.
Web design services for families wanting to document their new life.
Touring companies.
A translation service (called "Sinophiles", charging six cents per word).
A website that will teach you Chinese and how to play dizu (a bamboo flute), a little bit at a time.
A furniture store specializing in "Tibetan Chests, Camphor Trunks, Pinewood Bathtubs, Chicken Coups [sic], Peasant Paintings, Screens, Etc."
II.
Maxine Hong Kingston once wrote something to the effect of: Hey, Asian-Americans. How do you know what is true of Chinese culture and what's true of only your family? That was the first time that I realized that maybe my family isn't an adequate source for all things Chinese. Really, it's only recently that I've begun to understand how truly odd we are. We are wacky, wacky people. It was only a couple years ago that I realized not all Chinese people (most likely) are obsessed with nutritional supplements (selling, consuming, et cetera).
At the end of the day, I can tell when the younger people in my family are being rude to the older ones. I can tell when there are stories trying to get told that may or may not actually get told. I know when to question my mom, and when not to mess with her. I know why things are and are not allowed, although whether I can articulate it or not is a different thing.
I can also tell how, even though people say my pronunciation is good, my Chinese is actually all wrong. The very physical way I use and project my voice is American, and the sounds are rounded, diluted. It's that deep. There is something in the way I dress, the way I carry myself, that automatically tells Chinese students here at the conservatory that I won't understand when they speak to each other (although I often do). At best, I can sound like a fluent American.
Do I wish I were "more Chinese"? Yes and no. I don't want to give up anything. That's just it. I want to be everything at once. Sometimes, I praise my own supercool amalgamous nature. Usually, when I do this, I'm by myself. I guess I want to be *more* amalgamous. Heh. A greedy consumer of stories and facts, mindsets and languages.
III.
The publication and movie release of The Joy Luck Club seemed to trigger this odd fetish for Asian goods in America that still hasn't died away. As one character in said book notes, "It's now fashionable to be Chinese." The publication of that book seemed to make it more so.
One girl I know asked her mother to give her an heirloom. "Like June's jade necklace," she said. The mother rooted around and found gold coins that she'd bought a long, long time ago. I saw them. They were kept in velvet-lined boxes, pristine. "I was going to give them to you later," the mother said, "but if you like, you can have them now." The girl wrinkled her nose. "Do you have any... jewelry?" she said after a while.
The mother went down to Chinatown and bought a necklace, and that was the end of that. The girl wore it with pride.
IV.
A few years ago, a childless (white) American couple I knew adopted a little boy from Korea. It was a long and draining process, and they arrived home jubilant. They obviously adored their new baby, and we all fell a little in love with him too. (Incredibly, incredibly cute.)
They had renamed the baby James. I don't know if his original name was unpronounceable for them, or if (to them) it was a way of giving him a clean start, or making him more a part of their family. They also had brought over a photo album. His original foster mother was an elderly Korean woman. She had raised James almost since he was born. She said that she would have adopted him herself, but she felt sure he would have a better life in America. She was also afraid of dying before he was old enough to take care of himself. And, they said (with regret? compassion? discomfort?) that she had wept like she wouldn't ever stop when they left with James.
They have a little photo album that she gave them. Of James (a toddler) as a teeny tiny baby, at the orphanage. A couple of him as a slightly bigger baby. And then, all one roll, of the woman and James at a playground, sliding down the slide together, her pushing him on a swingset, making a leaf pile, which James is shown squashing with glee.
I turned the page of the last photo, and in the next slot there was a leaf. The same kind of leaf that made up the pile in the playground. Deep red in color. In the facing page is another leaf like the first, golden yellow. Flip. A brown one and an orange one. Flip. Yellow and lighter brown. Flip. Red and orange. Flip. Dark brown. Flip. It becomes clear that she's chosen leaves from the leaf pile (maybe the last time they went out to play together?), and she's put in only ones that are still perfectly shaped. What can she give her baby that isn't her baby anymore? A playground, a leaf pile, a photograph. She knows he won't remember her.
V.
What can you give a baby? Origami and terra-cotta figures? Language and stories? Leaf after leaf in fall colors? Coins and necklaces? Chicken coops and brocade? Sesame seeds and moon cakes? How can you receive these kinds of gifts?
Posted at 9:46 AM
I) Brushing the main point of this completely to the side, I would just like to say that I personally think having an army of miniature terra-cotta soldiers would be awesome. I don't think terra-cotta soldiers are cool *because* they're, like, all Eastern and mystical or some shit: I think they're cool because, dude, terra-cotta soldiers. I'd think they were just as cool if they'd come from Wales or Argentina or wherever.
II) I actually just read that essay--"No-Name Woman"--for my English class; it's one of the selections in our textbook (which, you might remember me mentioning, also includes "Sonny's Blues").
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