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Bear's going in tomorrow to hear his diagnosis and his doctor's plans for future treatment. At this moment, we don't know what he has. What we *do* know is this: he got two prescriptions today, for drugs that the doctor wanted him to get immediately and start taking now. As in, it couldn't wait until tomorrow.

The drugs are prednisone and cyclophosphamide. From the web, we figured that the prednisone is probably for the inflammation in his kidneys (or potentially a kidney disorder of some kind). The cyclophosphamide, however, scared the shit out of us because it's a chemotherapy drug. Sean called and the doctor said that he doesn't have cancer. The drug is also an immuno-suppressant, and that's why Sean's taking it. I guess we'll learn tomorrow why that's necessary.

I am scared right now. Because the list of side effects looks formidable, and in the case of the cyclophosphamide, they're even "common". The LAST thing I want right now is for Sean's cure to make him feel terrible. Again. He just got done with feeling terrible. DONE, I said.

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In other news, my future boss e-mailed me and wants me to come up with a "reasonable" projected start date (as opposed to my request of late August). It's frustrating because everything is so up in the air right now, and because I rather resent the implication of unreasonable-ness. I'd like very much to start this gig on the right foot, and at the moment it feels like neither of us is doing a great job with that.

I am knots of anxiety right now, and I can't really figure out why. I think it's a combination of coming down from last week, fatigue, stress over apartment hunting and moving, stress over starting work, trying to adjust to the mood swings these pills cause me, figuring out medical insurance crap, and worry over Bear. God.


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