August 9, 2005
smooshy freakitude
categories ::Okay, I know, I was supposed to be gone for a week in New Mexico, but Bear and I were both so ragged after the news about in vitro fertilization that it felt really, really wrong to be leaving. So I didn't. Instead, I'm still home right now, which is way better. We went on a high school reunion-ish thing this weekend, a get-together arranged by an old history teacher of mine for his favorite former students. In general, it was fabulous relaxing in the beautiful mountains, catching up with some friends we haven't seen in a while, meeting and chatting with other former students of Mr. D's (who all seem to share a certain degree of geeky humor). I've been plagued by a rather nagging thought, though.
There were several other married couples at this retreat. The number of married friends we have is increasing all the time, but there are no married couples that we hang out with on a regular basis. (Yay for the Los Angeles area singles!) So it was actually really trippy, sitting on a porch with a bunch of couples. And it was bordering on creepy, talking with older couples about child-raising and never having time for things, and other eerie spectres of hardcore domesticity. (Some of the former students, from Mr. D's earlier school, are well into their thirties, so many of them have young children, houses, fully-formed careers, and other trappings of totally legitimate adulthood. Heh.)
The weirdest thing, though, was watching how the other couples treated each other. Okay, I am the first to admit the completely real possibility that Bear and I are a sick, sappy, mooshy, disgusting couple. We could very easily be utterly nauseating. But the way the other couples treated each other, compared to what I'm used to, seemed grumpy and odd to me. Among the couples, there was this prevalent "old married couple"-style bickering that seemed to be meant as a cute schtick, but kind of bugged me after a while ("bugged" as in unnerved, not really annoyed, per se). By the end of the weekend, I was starting to feel like I really wanted to see a gentle, honest, expression of affection, or a married couple that could simply agree on something. I really don't mean to pass judgment on anybody else or their relationship. I firmly believe that there are as many ways to have a healthy, happy relationship as there are people in this world. (More, really, since each person could probably be happy with more than one individual.) I can very easily understand that not everybody is into public displays of affection. I can also understand that relationships are often very different in public and in private, and that many people stiffen up and become their most strait-laced selves around strangers. It was just...disconcerting, to spend time with so many pairs whose way of relating is so different from my own. I couldn't help wondering if people were happy together, because I would have been hurt or offended by many things that seemed to be normal for others.
There's also this weird thing that happens when a lot of couples (married or unmarried) get together in a large group: the conversation inevitably strays to talking about how the respective couples relate to one another. I get really tired of conversations where married people debate things like whose husband is the worst listener, or compare who pays the bills in each family. First of all, it's boring. I might love you, but I really just don't care who pays what, or who forgets to hang up the towels. Second of all, it usually devolves into more of the cranky married-people banter that I'm supposed to find cute, even though it usually seems to be reviving genuinely potent arguments. It's just awkward when people grin rather stiffly at each other after someone brings up a touchy subject that they really shouldn't have mentioned. Thirdly, it usually devolves in such a way that at least one completely unhealthy relationship comes to light, like the woman who abruptly brought up the fact that she'd had an affair, and that she and her husband sleep in separate rooms, or (in the past) one spouse's emotionally abusive tendencies became more and more clear. Fourth, it sometimes takes on a competitive edge. It didn't this weekend, thank God, but it does all too often. It's so weird, when all the people gathered together are fascinating and wonderful people, but when this odd rut seems to pop up and shove us all into it. Bear and I were sucked into things with everybody else, and there was a certain amount of bitter resignation when I realized that this is how the conversation was going to go.
There's something about dwelling too long on the institution of marriage that doesn't sit well with me. I still wake up every single day and feel freakishly lucky that I'm married to Bear.1 But that has very little to do with the weirdly sterile, sitcom-ish pall that dwelling on marriage seems to cast on an interaction between people.
Am I freaky for feeling this way? Do you guys know what I mean?
1Sorry. Did you gag? Sorry.
Posted at 11:57 AM
I know what you mean. I wonder why some of my friends are married, if their lives don't seem better for it.
Posted by: anna at August 9, 2005 5:44 PMI know what you mean. I've been sucked into that back-and-forth before, and I do _not_ want to go there again. For what it's worth, you and Bear definitely seem to have one of the more genuine relationships of all the couples I know. You each seem to retain your individuality extremely well, complementing each other rather than morphing into a JenandBear.
Posted by: Deanna at August 9, 2005 6:03 PMword
word
also
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Yeah, I know what you mean. I tend to find myself judging other couples by that behavior - going home and asking Josh if he thinks those poor people even Like each other. I try not to - it's not my place to judge other people's relationships. It's so depressing, though. Couples like that are one of the big reasons that I was so resistant to the idea of marriage - and why I was so scared before the big day. It took quite awhile before I got it into my head that that sort of smallness wasn't inevitable.
My personal favorite is about the kid thing. Some couples with kids spend hours talking about how difficult having kids is, how they have no time for anything, how much they miss not having to deal with children, and how much they envy us our freedom. So - pretty bleak picture there - then they suddenly forget the past conversation and ask when we plan on having a tribe of babies of our own. After that conversation - you must be kidding...
I'm rambling here.
Actually, I think that our culture insists that we complain. Being really happy about something and admiting it is gauche. It's more refined to whine. Think about our mass media. When is the last time you saw a truely happy, well-adjusted person or relationship that occupies more than either supporting role or the grand finale?
I've even found myself feeling bad - almost
guilty, at times, for being as outwardly happy with Joshua and my life as I am. Like I ought to pretend to be mildly disafected by my surroundings in order to keep the waters calm. Which is dumb. So I don't.
Love you.
way to say what i was thinking magenta
seriously
it's an issue nena and i deal with all the time
our softball team is having a party friday night
and we're torn as to whether or not to go
cuz it's going to be a bunch of married people
talking about married things
and
well
we're not like that
yknow?
Oh Magenta, oh hot hot woman - I totally agree. That's the weirdest thing, is that these couples could easily be very happy, but it's a social construct of some kind that makes them feel like they have to behave this way around others. And I can't even really say "they", because Bear and I got roped into it a bit along with everybody else.
I could imagine it being, in part, overcompensation for being in public. Few couples are just as affectionate in public as they are in private, which I think is common courtesy. But I could imagine some overcompensation happening as a result. At least, I went through that as a teenager with Bear. When we decided that we were being rather too public and were maybe grossing out our friends, I think it took us a while to figure out exactly how much to scale things back.
But some of it's definitely a critical mass thing. We'd hung out with some of the other couples before in just a double date format, and we talked about normal things like, you know, life and the universe and everything. It's some weird combination of social awkwardness and a large number of married couples that makes people go, "Hey! You're married, we're married, let's talk about that!" It's like being trapped in a Jane Austen novel, with a bunch of mothers arguing about whose son is taller than whose, since they have no other way of connecting.
Posted by: jen at August 10, 2005 7:35 AMOr they might just be genuinely dysfunctional. Aaargh.
Posted by: jen at August 10, 2005 8:49 AMJared and I often tease each other, but that's just the nature of our relationship. Teasing means we're happy--it's never vicious. I too get pretty uncomfortable when people start bringing up their private issues publicly. I feel like I should go in the other room and not look at their exposure.
The three of us are uncommonly blessed in the husband department...
Posted by: Q at August 10, 2005 12:44 PMHey now. don't be bashing Jane Austen :-) But I do know what you all mean. And I guess I have to admit, moms are pretty bad in most of Austen.
Posted by: Julie at August 10, 2005 1:26 PMDude, I would *never* bash Jane Austen. Scenes like those are always a subject of *satire* when she brings them up, and I love Austenian satire with the passion of a thousand suns.
But anyway, um, married people! Right.
Posted by: jen at August 10, 2005 3:04 PMThanks for the link to this page
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